Tag Archives: seek

ON STILL HAVING ZERO DEBT.

Remember when I was all “Husband is quitting his job to go to school and we’re going to take out loans and it’s going to be awesome”?

Yeah. That’s not happening.

We needed a cosigner for the private loan. What we thought would be one simple question for one simple person turned into one million questions for five different people over the course of forever. God was making it complicated. On purpose, probably, because He is so funny. Ha. Ha.

Forever story short, all of our attempts to obtain a cosigner were declined. It’s funny because we were convinced that this was what we were supposed to do and yet all the little doors were being closed even after the big one had been opened. Yeah, yeah, lesson learned. It’s also funny because two important things happened before we got the final “NO”: Husband got a massive-unprecedented-“are you sure that’s right?” raise at work AND God totally changed our hearts toward our original “plan.” Basically, by the time it was all over, we were both relieved. So we’ll wait another year, because if Brandon really is supposed to get this degree, God will make a way. He always does.

Besides, we have some great plans for this year. We will not be waiting in vain. We’ll have another squishy babe to squeeze and so many dinners together and people to enjoy. For whatever reason, we are supposed to have this year to ourselves and Husband is supposed to keep his really, really great job and what could be bad about that?

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Dream big.

I need to dream bigger.

I’m so afraid of wanting stuff. Of wanting more than I’ve already been (graciously) given. Because then I’m asking too much. Then I’m not content. But that’s the thing — I am content.

But I’m allowed to dream. I’m allowed to want stuff. And I don’t just mean stuff stuff, I mean real life stuff. Like a house on two acres. Room for my boys to run and ride their trikes that will eventually become bikes. Space at a table on a a deck outside for the friends that we have yet to make, that I want to make. A van swagger wagon to safely transport the ten boys I dream of having. A revolving door of ministry coming in and out of my home and my family. I know I’m young yet — it will come.

And that’s pretty much it.

So I’ve started praying for those things. I pray for two acres and a van. Because God does crazy stuff. One time, we didn’t have a car, literally didn’t have a car, and I prayed that God would give us one. I told Him that I didn’t want to pay for one and HE GAVE US A CAR. So why wouldn’t He give us two acres?

And since we’re doing this asking-for-what-we-want thing, I’d also like a peanut butter yogurt with oreos RIGHT NOW.

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